Along the canal

You hear the wheels of the five nice to fivers.
The darkness is awoken by the cycle bells.
A shadow appears in the lights for a brief moment,
catching the promess of your emptiness.
There is no one on the canal, just passengers. 

Cycling in London

First bike accident today. I was cycling towards a flat to visit in Hackney, feeling ok, hoping it was gonna be a nice place.

At one light, I was just turning left when I felt the pressure of a big black form coming from my right, it all happens real quick and you don't understand how is it even possible that someone does not realize you exist, you, the center of your own universe, means nothing to another person.

The turn was a bit tight for the van to pass between the pavement so he probably decided it was better to rush me to the left, even by making contact with me, the ant on wheels.

I stop as fast as possible, hurting my left ankle in the process and the side of his van twisted the axe of my right pedal. Under the shock of this, I just had the time to check his fucking car plate. Not being able to chase him because the accident made my bike chain derail.

I think the driver needed to pass quickly and realized in the turn that on his right side was the pavement and on the left something that could move more easily than concrete, so the choice was quick, pushing me towards my own pavement.

Look right, look left, and also be careful of fuckers in you back.
Fucking L.

Look at him cry.

I just look at him cry, as soon as we entered the plane, I knew it was gonna happen, I've seen the look on people's faces before, but never for my own blood. I see his face being torn apart, his cheeks becoming red and the mouth opened like a torrent of emptiness.

I'm deaf and he cries in the plane, that could be the dream of anybody, not being able to endure the torture of your own baby disturbing and giving headaches to a whole plane. I'm just dumb here, not knowing what to do, turing my head around and seeing people blaming me for the noise of another.

But there is nothing I can do, I try to calm him down, to sing a song with a voice unknown to myself. Maybe that's even worse, maybe the abnormal sounds coming out of my mouth, the serenade I hope to be just is just an awful sound for his newborn ears.

I can feel judgment and complain without the words, I am just calm as I am not disturb by the nuisance that is my son at this moment, I still love him as much, I don't regret any decision, I don't ask myself what could have been this trip without this soul sitting on my laps. For me he's just a weight I carry on me, some heat in this cold compressed cabin.

I am actually laughing at his face, enjoying the perks of my condition, smiling at my sidekicks and looking like an angel sharing this trip to earth.

You see, sometimes it's hard not to hear the words but good not to hear the screams. 

J'achète

ça me reprends, je mise aux enchères sur ebay, des pompes, vêtements et autres accessoires inutiles. J'ai assez de vêtements pour plusieurs vies mais j'en ai toujours un besoin, comme si ça allait me changer.

Je mise sur les objets qui m'inspirent d'être un autre, mon coeur bat à toute vitesse quand l'enchère se termine, les secondes avancent et j'imagine d'autres personnes augmenter l'enchère. C'est peut être le plus haut niveau d'excitation que j'ai attend depuis des lustres. Puis je remporte le match, et l'adrénaline me laisse vide d'un achat insensé, d'une fièvre passée que je ne comprends pas. ça fait 6 mois que je n'avais plus rien acheté, veillé quotidiennement les nouveaux objets sur ebay, et là je suis retombé.

Le stress et l'anxiété, pet-être, ou simplement l'ennui.