Along the canal

You hear the wheels of the five nice to fivers.
The darkness is awoken by the cycle bells.
A shadow appears in the lights for a brief moment,
catching the promess of your emptiness.
There is no one on the canal, just passengers. 

Cycling in London

First bike accident today. I was cycling towards a flat to visit in Hackney, feeling ok, hoping it was gonna be a nice place.

At one light, I was just turning left when I felt the pressure of a big black form coming from my right, it all happens real quick and you don't understand how is it even possible that someone does not realize you exist, you, the center of your own universe, means nothing to another person.

The turn was a bit tight for the van to pass between the pavement so he probably decided it was better to rush me to the left, even by making contact with me, the ant on wheels.

I stop as fast as possible, hurting my left ankle in the process and the side of his van twisted the axe of my right pedal. Under the shock of this, I just had the time to check his fucking car plate. Not being able to chase him because the accident made my bike chain derail.

I think the driver needed to pass quickly and realized in the turn that on his right side was the pavement and on the left something that could move more easily than concrete, so the choice was quick, pushing me towards my own pavement.

Look right, look left, and also be careful of fuckers in you back.
Fucking L.

Look at him cry.

I just look at him cry, as soon as we entered the plane, I knew it was gonna happen, I've seen the look on people's faces before, but never for my own blood. I see his face being torn apart, his cheeks becoming red and the mouth opened like a torrent of emptiness.

I'm deaf and he cries in the plane, that could be the dream of anybody, not being able to endure the torture of your own baby disturbing and giving headaches to a whole plane. I'm just dumb here, not knowing what to do, turing my head around and seeing people blaming me for the noise of another.

But there is nothing I can do, I try to calm him down, to sing a song with a voice unknown to myself. Maybe that's even worse, maybe the abnormal sounds coming out of my mouth, the serenade I hope to be just is just an awful sound for his newborn ears.

I can feel judgment and complain without the words, I am just calm as I am not disturb by the nuisance that is my son at this moment, I still love him as much, I don't regret any decision, I don't ask myself what could have been this trip without this soul sitting on my laps. For me he's just a weight I carry on me, some heat in this cold compressed cabin.

I am actually laughing at his face, enjoying the perks of my condition, smiling at my sidekicks and looking like an angel sharing this trip to earth.

You see, sometimes it's hard not to hear the words but good not to hear the screams. 

J'achète

ça me reprends, je mise aux enchères sur ebay, des pompes, vêtements et autres accessoires inutiles. J'ai assez de vêtements pour plusieurs vies mais j'en ai toujours un besoin, comme si ça allait me changer.

Je mise sur les objets qui m'inspirent d'être un autre, mon coeur bat à toute vitesse quand l'enchère se termine, les secondes avancent et j'imagine d'autres personnes augmenter l'enchère. C'est peut être le plus haut niveau d'excitation que j'ai attend depuis des lustres. Puis je remporte le match, et l'adrénaline me laisse vide d'un achat insensé, d'une fièvre passée que je ne comprends pas. ça fait 6 mois que je n'avais plus rien acheté, veillé quotidiennement les nouveaux objets sur ebay, et là je suis retombé.

Le stress et l'anxiété, pet-être, ou simplement l'ennui.

la soif

Une homme est enchainé dans le désert.
il a soif et près de lui repose un oasis, si proche. les chaine sont trop courtes et il ne peut se retirer du piège. il voit l eau et la torture est immense d'observer ce que ses lèvres ne peuvent atteindre.
Au loin, une silhouette apparait, féline. il distingue les pâtes avançant tranquillement d'un animal famélique. Son cerveau reçoit l'information, un lion. L'animal avance sereinement, déjà mort, l'espoir n'existe pas dans son univers, uniquement la survie. L'homme panique a la vue du lion et s'agite, crie, essaye de l'effrayer avant que le contact ne se fasse plus douloureux que celui de la soif.

Le lion arrive a quelques pas de l'homme, leurs regards se croisent, complices dans la détresse d'un abandon commun.
Les cris, la chaine comme arme pour repousser la bête, l'homme s'agite. Le lion l'observe avec calme, il ne connait pas cet être qui semble apeuré. Assis, il attend que le spectacle pathétique se termine, que l'homme cesse de s'agiter.
Il se remet en mouvement, s'avance vers le mâle qui ne le dominera jamais. Il lui passe devant, observe la tête baissée de l'homme résolu.

Le regard fixé sur le sable, l'homme accepte de n'être qu'un grain de plus, bientôt de moins. Puis un son, celui de l'eau qui clapote. Il relève la tête et aperçoit la bête, couchée sur le cote de l'oasis, en train de boire. Plus que la soif, c'est désormais l'injustice qui perce l'homme.

"Achève moi lâche !" hurle t'il au lion

"Ignoble monstre, rend moi la liberté !"

Le lion se retourne et observe cette étrange chose si bruyante puis revient a la source.
Repus, il se relève et tourne une dernière fois sa crinière vers la curieuse créature immobile.

Enfin, il reprend la route, vers le désert et la chaleur.

Business in London

I know someone who worked for an hosting agency in london called regal promotion.
After a month, the agency did not pay her, pretending, that the client did not pay, saying it might take time to process the payment, etc...

One night, she decided to write on the Facebook of this hosting agency, Regal Promotion, i repeat the name (you know why) that they were unprofessional and missed to pay her for her services.

Shortly after, a guy called Frank Regal on Facebook decided to threaten and insult for her deciding to express her feelings on a social network.

the guy writes threats and insults like 'kiss my ass', says "now i will not pay you" and finishes by a very classy "you cunt".
Another best time of the conversation is when he pretends the payment was late because of another girl in the system with a similar name, a very fake similar name according to what he wrote.

Oh what a treat to see that London gives the opportunity to people like this man to exist and run a so called "business". After investigating the Facebook of this gentleman, you discover the classic suit and watch bling bling profile picture that tries to tell us he is a successful entrepreneur, but no, it only says how much this guy lacks empathy for the young girls and boys that try to make ends meet by working odd jobs for odd men...

But no instead the founder of regal promotion decides to bully and insult an harmless girl with his words that are worth as much as his fake suit and watch.

The good thing is the screenshot of the conversation are saved and this guy's reputation is not.
Un régal...
®

Les poumons et le coeur

J’ai commencé cette cigarette, celle qui t’arrache les poumons et le coeur avec, celle que tu commences et sur laquelle tu tires comme si la balle était dans le canon, au bout du tunnel.

Mais t’as pas le cran, tu peux juste allumer la flamme, c’est un début.

Alors, pour toutes les autres cigarettes, la première bouffée de fumée siffle et fait venir la noirceur de ton âme.

Commencer à fumer en allant mal, vouloir mourir doucement, accélérer le processus.

Prendre le contrôle, un peu. 

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J'ai toujours trouvé ça con de fumer pour les autres, adolescent, pour être cool, alors j’ai décidé de commencer à fumer au pire moment de ma vie, quand ça allait mal, très mal. 

Idées noires et fumée grise, goût de tabac et tête qui tourne, visions obscure.